Finally realise

Finally i am back to this pity webby... as usually i had never had the determination to maintain something like a dairy, blog, etc etc.... I never had the determination for such nice hobby where i can turn back in times and read wat i had wrote and laugh it all out about wat i had post previously, and i do believe itz not only me ya....

So much so much things had happened, finally here's something more about the writer after so many post. Initially this webby was created to write about my romance things like he show 50 First Date where the Female cast had an illness of only a memory of 24 hours and wakes up the next day and live everyday like yesterday, and the male cast actually took the effort of recovering her memory everyday the 1st thing in the morning by writing her a diary. But it was not carried out here, cause reality is reality... stress, time commitment, works, family etc etc comes in where it wun happens in the movies ya... hahaa might seems like an excuses, but maybe though... another reason is the webby i really feel comfortable with the settings i had created and hope to gives ppl the same feeling visiting my blog, hence i also tried to post stuff interesting for visitors to take some time of the busy work and read something in front of the computer instead of statistic and data in an excel file ya.

Seriously so much things haf had happened around me, the sudden thot of going studies, the sudden lazy young lad had turn hardworkin old man, the family most concerning young boy became the family most disconcern brother and son..... I slowly realise i had been losing my cool so so frequent in my family especially towards my mother and i dunno why, although i knew itz wrong to do it and regret it everytime the fight ends, i will do it again the next day AGAIN~!!! And the worst thing is in order not to have fights wif her i avoid her, go works early, come home late.... i do wan to company them but there is this invisible stress just by staying at home, i dunno why as a matter of fact i misses them very much... hahaaa sounded so "gu niang" but thinking back i think i know why....

Years back then, or rather 2 years back i nearly lost my father that suffers from heart attk. I knew the feeling of losting someone i care, although that time i din showed any anxiety nothing at all cause i was born this way, my expression and actions is never easy to guess, but the feeling inside me was damn lousy, then i slowly recover from the trauma and i found another love that i had to undergo the same shit again, the feelings is never good, itz sour until no words can describe... i want her to feel that she is normal after the operation, the more i tried the more i make her feels so miserable, she cares so much about her scar, she cares so much about how i treats her, she doesn't wan to drag me down, so much so much.... sub concious in me had created a barrier between us, i wanted her to be independant so as she wun be so fragile like before, who knows i might be the one leaving eariler then her ?? And her family is overshowering her with their care and concern that sometimes is doin her harm instead of helping her,When she needed me i will always be by her, blades to her house when i did wrong, apologise to her even when it an misunderstanding.... it may seems nothing but a man of an ego bigger then anything it means a lot.... a lot of time although i get mad at something i will still think of her, several times in fact....

We had a fight at her house.... suddenly she went to her friend house play mj.... and i turn up in her friend house...

We plan to go play bball, suddenly she disappeared.... lost all concentration and went to her house company her...

a lot a lot....

After her operation i did selfishly wan to held her at my home for long, as her house was always empty and her meal are very horribly unhealthy to some extends, and i believe my house will be a better place for her to recuperate... but i did notice my mother was brainwashing her every now and then which i can sense her irritation towards that, maybe thats the reason my relationship turns a bit sour with my mum... although i know mother means well, but i myself is rejecting the stuffs i did expect her to accept those stuffs... hence no choice i kept them away as much as i could....

After watching the show i saw the myth of cheating death, the feeling was like why not make a try... although its seems foolish but there are also example of ppl that nothing bad had happen after they cheated death, there are chances although the cycle thing might juz turns to me, but there are chances too... if it realli is the case i realli realli dun mind her trying cheating her death and see wat happen, i can be extra careful when she begins the ritual and maybe that sloves all nonsense happening ya.... but afterall its a myth, i do hope everything turns out well as it is causing her miserly and causing me heartache.... But dun worry the world is fair, as long as there is the will there will be an alternative.... as long as she dun gives up... i wun gives up... thats my stands right now... hope she understand and fight strong!!